byakkoyagirl | Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Second Dream Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Forwarded to late night

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Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Second Dream Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Forwarded to late night

[Around the afternoon, Paprika was released from the experimental alternate universe and went back to being her cheery dream girl self. And, like most others, she thought she was spared from the continued experiments.

Oh how wrong she was.

Like on the first night she arrived in Luceti, Paprika is going to be dropping into people's dreams through teleportation. Prepare to get your dreamspace invaded citizens of Luceti. Please don't kill her for this - she really doesn't want to imagine the crazy stuff you dream of.]

[ooc: please read this and fill out this (if you haven't already) before posting here o/]

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Close. They took the places of Buffy and the others. People I knew from Sunnydale.

You probably got a lot of people confused. ...But I think the one who got the worst off was you in the end.

It wasn't an especially pleasant other life, no.

And mourning for people who were never here was not at all productive. But we were all dead when we weren't in Luceti, and so mourning seemed the only appropriate thing to do.

...I think I may have misinformed some people on that score, actually. When they listened at all.

You believed they were and that's all that mattered at the time. ...I'm sorry for calling you crazy. My head was in a different place and I wasn't myself.

[Giles was evidently not expecting that. He stares blankly at Paprika for a second, but finally he smiles.]

Thank you.

I eventually realized that that had probably been the case [because the alternative was horrible] but, um, thank you.

[She shoots him a smile back.] Don't worry about it.

Giles, don't blame yourself for what happened. If you want to ask for forgiveness you need to make sure you forgive yourself first.

That seems a bit...backwards, doesn't it?

How so?

Who am I to decide if I deserve forgiveness? When I'm the one who caused the harm?

Seems selfish, really.

[The scenery changes again - now they're back in the village. The vampire stands a short distance away, its fangs buried in a girl's neck, trying to lap up the last of the blood even though the girl is clearly already dead. With a growl of annoyance, it pulls away and lets her tumble to the ground.

And then they're standing in front of House 7, and Giles is holding someone by the back of their shirt, all but dragging it through the snow. It's also bleeding heavily, but Jack Sparrow is still alive.]

You can at the very least decide for yourself. The most important person who has to forgive you is you.

[She watches the scene changes with varying interest. Because even if this is a dream, she can tell that those things actually happened.]

I'm sure they understand that you didn't intentionally do this.

[They did - these scenes are clearly memory more than dream. When Giles starts dragging Jack the rest of the way towards House 7, he doesn't even seem entirely aware that he's doing it.]

One doesn't know me. One is well aware that I thoroughly despise him.

She was in the wrong place and the wrong time. And he...still didn't deserve this. I'd hurt him enough.

I did intentionally do this.

...but I wouldn't have, if the Malnosso hadn't done this. It's all to do with souls. Very important things, souls - I see that, now.

[He reaches the porch and dumps Jack there. The pirate collapses without the faintest sign of resistence.]

That's what I'm saying. You wouldn't have done this if it wasn't for that experiment. You can regret what happened, but you have to forgive yourself and then ask for forgiveness from others. If they don't give you it then that's their choice, but you can't keep blaming yourself for the actions of the scientists.

[Giles backs away from the front door, and settles down to wait.]

At least I'll have the chance to ask Mizuno-san's forgiveness.

And Buffy is one of the very few people who knows where I am at the moment, so discussion is probably unavoidable. [Not that he wants discussion to be avoidable. Giles really, really wants the chance to explain, and it shows.]

[She walks to him, a look between concern and blankness on her features.]

Giles, if you let this hang over your head you're going to ruin yourself. Then you really will become crazy. It won't do you any good.

[Library. Unlike last time, it's bright and the bookshelves are whole. There's an upper level and a lower level. Paprika and Giles land on the upper one, and six teenagers sit crowded at a table on the lower, chatting and laughing.]

[Giles takes off his glasses and starts cleaning them, not quite managing to meet Paprika's gaze.]

...well, we can't have that.

Can't get anything done when you're insane, unless you're trying to end the world. And there are still people I'd worry.

[As he cleans them Paprika looks over the side to the lower level, observing the six briefly before turning back to Giles.]

People who try to end the world aren't insane. They just think everything else is inferior, swelling up their egos and obliterating all signs of reason that says otherwise. Which is everything around them.

You're still trying to avoid my point. [...] Unless you don't want to forgive yourself.

That's a very accurate description, actually. The Master, Angelus, the Mayor, Adam, Glory - makes me wonder just who you've had to deal with in the past.

[Giles leans against the railing bordering the higher level, watching the six carefully, protectively. Sometimes there are three, or four, sometimes there's a woman there with short black hair and dark eyes. Sometimes its in complete disarray, and at one point the walls appear to be lined with dynamite.]

I don't know, to be honest.

[He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes] ...Paprika, I am not a good person. I can be nice, I can help, I can be there for the ones I love. And since coming to the village I have grown to be friends with and care for a great deal of people.

But they are good, they are kind, and I am not. I realized a while ago that it was probably better that way. And if I forgive myself for the things I do, I might forget that.

Oh, nobody too horrible. [Just an obsessive co-worker and a disabled Dream Guardian.]

You are a good person, Giles. You just have some demons and urges in you, but everyone has them. It's just a matter of regulating them.

[Even though Giles still refuses to look at Paprika, he is evidently touched by her reassurance. For a moment, he looks almost peaceful.

But then he seems to remember something. And Giles laughs, and the sound is more than a little manic, more than a little hysterical.]

Perhaps it's best if you leave, Paprika. I'd like for you to go on believing that.

[Almost on cue, the library is gone and they're back in the town. They're standing in an old, abandoned lot, at the base of a rickety metal tower that looms against the black sky. A fight is going on around them, but the men and women in the shapeless gray clothes with identical expressions of thoughtless anger are being driven back by Giles' friends. Giles himself is in the shadows, watching as Buffy stands over a badly injured man on the ground.]

...it's probably best if you leave now, actually.

[She frowns.]

I don't know when I'll leave. I was brought here by the experiment.

...Giles, if you don't want to forgive yourself then that's fine. I forgive you, for whatever you did that was beyond your control.

[Buffy hurries off towards the tower, leaving the wounded man on the ground.]

He was completely within my control.

[Then Giles forces a smile and glances at Paprika.] But we were discussing my actions as a vampire, weren't we? Sorry, I seem to have completely lost my train of thought.

No he wasn't. If he was then the things that happened wouldn't have. You might have had a subconscious grasp on it, but nothing tangible enough.

[She shakes her head.] If you don't want to discuss it anymore then don't force yourself.

[Giles takes a few steps nearer to the man, apparently not entirely aware that he's doing so.]

...I really do enjoy your company, Paprika. Like many things, I just wish it could be under better circumstances.

...I don't think it ever will be. [She sighs. It feels even worse because the one time she could talk with Giles in person she was completely insulting and rude.] No one wants you to feel like this.

I know they don't. Because, as I mentioned a while ago, I seem to always find myself making friends with very kind people. Helios and Okita-san have both told me I should take a vacation. [A few more steps.] It's a thought, I suppose.

I was going to leave Sunnydale entirely, before I was brought here. But that was before I knew that Buffy would be brought back.

Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Second Dream Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Forwarded to late night

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